Say What!
by Silk
Summary: A very short series of deceiving and quite possibly depraved  or are they?  conversations between the Bard and her Warrior.
1. Harder Please

**Disclaimers: **Ok..errmm..Xena and Gabrielle are owned by MCA/Universal/Renaisaince, but they've come over to my house for a little vacation. This little bit o fun is for non-profit. Umm..what else? Subtext~ You decide. That's it..except that I blame this on a sugar rush (ok..ok..so it wasn't sugar..I was just being goofy)..and on a few people that pretty much demanded I post this on the net. I'm glad they did..though I am still blushing about this little piece. *G* _(originally posted online 1/98)_

**Harder Please**  
_by Silk  
copyright 1998_

"Gabrielle, ooohhh...ummm...could you be a bit rougher please?"

"What? You've got to be kidding..anymore rougher and my fingers will break off."

"Plleeeassse. Oh right there..yesss."

"The things I have to do..."

"Oooo...MmmMmm...more...deeper."

"I'm trying. Uhh..is that better?"

"Ahhh...oooo.."

"I guess so."

"Ummm..could you do...?"

"Do what?"

"You know. That thing..."

"You want me to..."

"Please. I love it when you do that."

"Warriors. Gotta love em. I don't suppose I could throw you back and get a refund?"

"Pllleaassee."

"Ok...but only for you."

"Aaahhhh...I lliiikkkeee ttthiisss."

"It is kind of fun, isn't it."

"Otthhherrr ttthhhinnnggg agggaainnn."

"Glutton."

"Ex-warlord. Still have some bad habits."

"Hmmm..some of them I like."

"Really? Ooohhh...lower."

"Yes, really."

"Like what?"

"Please. I'm not going to tell you. You have a swelled head as it is."

"Almost there...harder. Are you...ooohhh..saying that I have a swelled head?"

"Amongst other things."

"It's called confidence. Nothing else. Ooohhh...goddss..that feellls..OOOOhhhhh.."

"Like that do you?"

"Mmmmhhmmm...oh Gabrielle, you're so good to me."

"I try. Lower? Harder? Deeper? What?"

"Faster. I need...ohhh yes.."

"You know..this isn't half bad. I think I'm actually enjoying this."

"Goes both ways. Believe ..Ahhhh...YES! Believe me."

"Getting sorta hot in here."

"Well you are doing all the work."

"Hmmm..I hope it's my turn next?"

"If you don't make me pass out...hmmm..do that again."

"What? This?"

"Ooooooohhhhhhhhh..."

"Had enough yet?"

"Don't you dare stop now! I...ohh..goddess..almost..."

"Just tell me when. I know I'm not experienced at this like you are."

"Ahhh...you're doing...hmm..yeah..just fine. Just fine indeed. You don't always need to be experienced to get the job done. Creativity is just as good. MMmm...very good."

"Well..I try."

"Oooooo..yes! ARRGGGHH! FURRKINN OUCCHH!"

"Ooopss. Sorry. Bad spot?"

"Hrrmph. You could say that."

"Not my fault. Next time you pull a muscle you might want to tell me where it is ahead of time."

"Hrrmmmm."

"Quit grumbling and move out of the way. It's my turn."

"I'm not in the mood."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You spoiled it."

"Xena. For gods sakes..My hands and forearms are cramped. The least you could do is reciprocate."

"Don't want to. I'm tired. Think I'll sleep."

"Come on! I want my massage!"

"Not tonight, dear. I gotta headache."

The End


	2. Satisfied?

**Disclaimers: **Ok..errmm..Xena and Gabrielle are owned by MCA/Universal/Renaissance, but they've come over to my house for a little vacation. This little bit o fun is for non-profit. Umm..what else? Subtext~ You decide. (Originally posted online 5/98)

**Satisfied?**  
_by Silk  
copyright 1998_

"Satisfied?

"Honestly? A little to the left please."

"Figures."

"What? No. No. Your other left."

"Oh, nothing."

"Mmmm... that's better. Now put it in. Nice and slow."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Gabrielle, no offense, but you could be a little more enthusiastic."

"This enthusiastic enough for you?"

"OW! Will you kindly remember that there's someone at the receiving end of that thing, please?"

"Sorry. I'm just..."

"Pull it out. I think I need the bigger one."

"Hold on. This one?"

"Yes. It should do the trick. Put it in. _Slowly and gently_ this time."

"Yeah. Yeah. Slowly. Gently."

"Ooooo... this is much better. You were saying?"

"I was just saying that I don't see the point in all of this. It's a bit complicated just for..."

"You just wait until you try it. OK. Push it in and out a few times."

"Like this?"

"Yep. Ahhh...much better."

"Glad I'm useful for something."

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing."

"OK, stop. Just leave it in all the way and..."

"What about the other hole?"

"Hmm...I almost forgot about that. Put the smaller one in. Just be careful."

"Done."

"Ooo...that's good. I'm glad you're here, Gabrielle. This just wouldn't be the same without you."

"Thanks. It's nice to know..."

"Twist it."

"Excuse me?"

"The little one. Twist it."

"I don't see what that's going to accomplish."

"Please."

"Oh. All right."

"Ahhh... almost there. Now give me your hand. Hold your fingers right here. Don't move. I'll do all the work."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Will you stop that! I'm telling you you're going to love this. I got the idea from something I saw in Aphrodite's Temple."

"Whatever you say, Xena. You do seem to be... skillful at this."

"You just have to know how to put your mind to something. It's not really all that complicated."

"Aphrodite, hmm? Well I guess I'll give it a try after your done. When are you going to be finished anyway?"

"In a minute. Almost... Oohh.. this is going to be great! HEY! Did you move your fingers?"

"Me? No."

"Gabrielle."

"Ok. Ok. Jeez... just a little. My hand is cramping."

"You have to pay attention. One wrong move and we'll have to start all over again."

"Fingers still. Mouth shut. Got it."

"Perfect. Now all I have to do is... Ahhhaaaa! That's it! OH YES!"

"Can I have my fingers back now?"

"Hmmm? Oh sure."

"Nice smirk."

"What?"

"You seem mighty pleased with yourself."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Gabrielle. You know that."

"Yeah. Yeah. At least we know a sidekick's good for something."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"I thought you wanted to try this."

"I do, but..."

"But what?"

"I'm not going to do it with you standing there."

"But..."

"Give me a break here, Xena. I think I know what I'm doing. Just push this in and out right?"

"Yes, but..."

"Look. I can't get anything accomplished with you staring at me like that."

"But..." *sigh* "Fine. I'll wait outside. Tell me how well it works ok?"

"I'm sure it will be fine. Now stop moping."

"I'm a warrior. I don't mope."

"Riiiggghhhttt. Not moping. Got it. Now will you get out of here so I can use...what is this thing called again."

"I'm calling it a toilet."

"Hmm...will wonders never cease. At least I get to be the first one to use it."

"Just as long as you're satisfied."

"I'm sure I will be."

Silence.

"Xena?" Pause. "Xena? Where's the parchment?"

Silence.

"XENA!"

**The End**


	3. Enough Already!

**Disclaimers: **Xena and Gabrielle are still owned by MCA/Universal/Renaissance, but they're here, they're queer, get used to it! The last in a short series I dubbed "Say what?".

You decide.

**Enough Already!**  
_By Silk  
copyright 1999_

*sigh*

"Xena!"

"What?"

"You know what! Just knock it off!"

"Fine." *sigh*

"Xena!"

"Gabrielle! I can't help it! You drag me in here, making us spend too many dinars in the first place, and there's nothing here, but stupid statues and other artsyfartsy stuff. It's booooring."

"You are such a barbarian."

"That's not what you said last night."

"Yeah, well…Oh look! A statue of Hercules!"

"Joy."

"What was that?"

"I said, 'Oh boy!'"

"You would think you'd be more appreciative. After all, you and he were an item once."

"How many times are you going to insist on reminding me of that?"

"I'll let you know. Ooh, he's…he's…"

"The word is naked, I believe."

"Errmm…"

"Stop drooling."

"But…wow…"

"What a bardly thing to say. What are you looking at anyway?"

"It's so…so…so big!"

"That thing?"

"Yeah, it's gigantic!"

"It's exaggerated. I don't remember it being that large. The sculpturer took a few liberties."

"Hmm…let me see…"

"Gabrielle! Quit leaning over the red rope so far, people are looking!"

"I want a better view."

"Gabbrriellle!"

"Shhh…wow, it is really big."

"Don't touch it!"

"Oh come on, lighten up. I'm just curious."

"Enough already! The guards are looking. Heh heh, nothing to see over here, folks. My friend, she's just a big…errmm…slow in the head. She's got a really bad balancing problem and even worse eyesight. It's ok, really, I'll take care of it. I'm going to take her right back to the hospice. Nothing to worry about."

"Cool! Look at this detail. This has to be real."

"Psst…Gabrielle, stop it. People are really starting to get suspicious…NO! Don't touch it!"

"Uhoh."

*sigh*

"What?"

*sigh*

"It's not my fault!"

*sigh*

"Xena?"

*sigh*

"Okay, okay! I didn't know it could come off like that."

*sigh*

"Well, maybe no one will notice."

"Gabrielle, you just broke off his ego and you don't think anyone will notice?"

"Good point. Heh heh…let's make a break for it."

**The End**


End file.
